Sogger’s Blog

It’s Monday; the working day starts at 8:30. but I am a little late today, arriving at 8:40. I am the first to arrive. Towards 9:00, my colleagues wander in and the daily routine of greeting each other begins, adhering unerringly to the following logic:

1. Greet your colleague. This can be one of “ça va” or “Bonjour”, abbreviated to “B’jour”.
2. If the subject is male, shake hands
3. If the subject is female, a kiss on both cheeks.

It doesn’t matter if you hate each other and will spend the rest of the day insulting each other, you must always begin like this. The fact that you saw them 15 hours ago is not important. There are no exceptions to this rule.There are 30 people working in the office, so the day begins as follows:

B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, kiss kiss;B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake;

…and so on.

The first half-hour of the day is therefore spent congregated around the coffee machine, so the cramped kitchen area resembles a polite orgy as people arrive and head off for their offices.

A management meeting is first on the agenda: planned start time, 9:00; actual start time, 9:40. This is a very important meeting - important decisions for the next weeks will be made. Required attire: Blackberry telephone and laptop, preferably open with MSN up and running. “What’s first on the agenda? Me to start? OK, I would like…”. Interruption by phone ringing, so the Big Boss (Europe) leaves the office to take it. Everybody else takes the opportunity to read their mail or send a message organising the first coffee break. 5 minutes later and the Big Boss (Europe) returns. “Sorry, we will need to cut the meeting a little short - the Big Boss (Worldwide) arrives today”. “OK, but I have a couple of points I would like to make first…”, “OK, let’s push on, but make it quick”.

My slightly contentious point is raised, leading to raising of voices and stress-levels. As eyeballs pop, stand-up arguments begin and much finger-pointing ensues. After 5 minutes, we all agree with each other. British Telecom said “It’s good to talk” but I don’t remember France Telecom saying “It’s good to shout”. After another hour of Blackberry-watching, we all decide to stop. No decisions are made, but we have all taken the opportunity to catch up with our email. It is 11h30.

The CEO has another meeting with the “Délégues de Personnel”. These are a breed apart, their aggression surpassing that of a rutting stag. They are the “untouchables”, people elected by the staff to once a month ask questions about toilet cleanliness and staff training, preferably in a loud voice, in the sure knowledge that employment law allows them to go as far as they like, short of physical abuse, without the fear of sacking. These questions fended off by the Big Boss (Europe), it is time for lunch. It is midday.

It’s been a hard morning, so what better at lunch than a nice Pastis…or two. Lovely. It is 14h00 and I am sleepy.

Today is an important day - the Big Boss (Worldwide) has flown over from the US to address the French employees. He will be outlining the major achievements of the last year and the goals for the coming year.

What the Englishman heard:

“Blah blah-blah blah [Baseball metaphor] blah blah blah [Another baseball metaphor] blah blah blah [Yet another baseball metaphor] blah blah [I've got a big yacht]…

…1 hour passes…”Let’s not be good, let’s be great”

What the Frenchman heard:

“Blah blah-blah blah [Blah blah] blah blah blah [Encore blah blah] blah blah blah [Et encore blah blah] blah blah [Blah blah bateau]…

…5 hours pass…”Blah blah blah”

Phew, time for coffee. “Is it time to go home yet?”. It’s 17h00. Time to read the abusive email from customers, customer support and management before heading for the door. I am the last to leave.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 1st, 2008 at 4:47 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.