Sogger’s Blog

One year ago, I read very few blogs, and the thought of actually writing one made me cringe: lack of confidence, poor ideas, badly written, leaving you open to criticism. That was until John visited. He persuaded me to give it a go and I’ve never looked back. OK, so I do have poor ideas, badly expressed, however, for me it is a creative outlet that definitely beats sitting in front of French television or Sky News.

The problem is finding the time and the inspiration. I have several ideas that never make it here because I can’t see how to develop them and spin them out to a full post. That is why I have decided to add little soglets to the blog. Here is the dictionary definition:

Pronunciation “sog-lut“: a short blog post designed to provoke a short-lived emotion, usually a curve of the lip or a roll of the eyes, and to be immediately forgotten” (source, Lyon, 2008).

The advantage is that I can write a bit of nonsense quickly without having to develop it any further. The disadvantage being that I can write a bit of nonsense quickly without having to develop it any further.

So anyway, I might spew a few of these out when the spirit takes me.

It’s Monday; the working day starts at 8:30. but I am a little late today, arriving at 8:40. I am the first to arrive. Towards 9:00, my colleagues wander in and the daily routine of greeting each other begins, adhering unerringly to the following logic:

1. Greet your colleague. This can be one of “ça va” or “Bonjour”, abbreviated to “B’jour”.
2. If the subject is male, shake hands
3. If the subject is female, a kiss on both cheeks.

It doesn’t matter if you hate each other and will spend the rest of the day insulting each other, you must always begin like this. The fact that you saw them 15 hours ago is not important. There are no exceptions to this rule.There are 30 people working in the office, so the day begins as follows:

B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, kiss kiss;B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, kiss kiss; B’jour, shake shake; B’jour, shake shake;

…and so on.

The first half-hour of the day is therefore spent congregated around the coffee machine, so the cramped kitchen area resembles a polite orgy as people arrive and head off for their offices.

A management meeting is first on the agenda: planned start time, 9:00; actual start time, 9:40. This is a very important meeting - important decisions for the next weeks will be made. Required attire: Blackberry telephone and laptop, preferably open with MSN up and running. “What’s first on the agenda? Me to start? OK, I would like…”. Interruption by phone ringing, so the Big Boss (Europe) leaves the office to take it. Everybody else takes the opportunity to read their mail or send a message organising the first coffee break. 5 minutes later and the Big Boss (Europe) returns. “Sorry, we will need to cut the meeting a little short - the Big Boss (Worldwide) arrives today”. “OK, but I have a couple of points I would like to make first…”, “OK, let’s push on, but make it quick”.

My slightly contentious point is raised, leading to raising of voices and stress-levels. As eyeballs pop, stand-up arguments begin and much finger-pointing ensues. After 5 minutes, we all agree with each other. British Telecom said “It’s good to talk” but I don’t remember France Telecom saying “It’s good to shout”. After another hour of Blackberry-watching, we all decide to stop. No decisions are made, but we have all taken the opportunity to catch up with our email. It is 11h30.

The CEO has another meeting with the “Délégues de Personnel”. These are a breed apart, their aggression surpassing that of a rutting stag. They are the “untouchables”, people elected by the staff to once a month ask questions about toilet cleanliness and staff training, preferably in a loud voice, in the sure knowledge that employment law allows them to go as far as they like, short of physical abuse, without the fear of sacking. These questions fended off by the Big Boss (Europe), it is time for lunch. It is midday.

It’s been a hard morning, so what better at lunch than a nice Pastis…or two. Lovely. It is 14h00 and I am sleepy.

Today is an important day - the Big Boss (Worldwide) has flown over from the US to address the French employees. He will be outlining the major achievements of the last year and the goals for the coming year.

What the Englishman heard:

“Blah blah-blah blah [Baseball metaphor] blah blah blah [Another baseball metaphor] blah blah blah [Yet another baseball metaphor] blah blah [I've got a big yacht]…

…1 hour passes…”Let’s not be good, let’s be great”

What the Frenchman heard:

“Blah blah-blah blah [Blah blah] blah blah blah [Encore blah blah] blah blah blah [Et encore blah blah] blah blah [Blah blah bateau]…

…5 hours pass…”Blah blah blah”

Phew, time for coffee. “Is it time to go home yet?”. It’s 17h00. Time to read the abusive email from customers, customer support and management before heading for the door. I am the last to leave.

Last night I was watching Sky News (again): “All the news and sport in 15 minutes, every 15 minutes” gives you an idea of the depth of their coverage. I presume that in the UK, they have adverts between their 15 minute slots, because, in France, they show headlines with a few words about each story (usually what David Beckham or Robbie Williams are up to, that sort of thing).

The people who write these “stories” are often either stuck for inspiration (I know that feeling) or have trouble spelling (I know that problem too). Last night one of the headlines intrigued me:

“Red Hot Chilli Peppers Bassist Flea’s House Destroyed by Malibu Fire“.

I had 2 interpretations of this headline:

1. A mis-spelling of “flees” with an unnecessary apostrophe which probably should have appeared earlier in the headline, or,
2. An unfortunate victim of the recent fires at the Malibu house where the bass player kept his collection of fleas.

I like the Red Hot Chilli Peppers, but can’t claim to know the names of any of the band members. However, on further reading, it became apparent that their bass player is actually called “Flea”. Reading on, all became apparent.

It just goes to show that you shouldn’t judge before reading to the end. My apologies to the Sky News headline writers. Laziness and pre-judgement on my part rather than yours in this case.

When my parents visited in September, they left some money in order to buy a Wii for the kids for Christmas. Ever since, roughly about once a week, I have received calls telling me that I’ve got to hurry to the shops and buy it because, pretty soon, there won’t be any left! This came as a surprise to me because they are everywhere (even our local mini-supermarket is selling them).

A friend of my aunties (long story) works in Asda and informed my sister that that evening they would be receiving 10 (that’s “ten”) Wiis and that they would be quickly gone. My brother-in-law therefore went and queued outside Asda from 7:30am in order to be there at 8:30am when the store opened. He did this and got the last one! Now they tell me that they need a remote control but they are impossible to come by…how can this be? I explained this to the guy in the shop where I bought one a couple of weeks ago and he was surprised because, as far as he was concerned, they are everywhere.

Are Nintendo creating a demand by limiting their availability, or are they simply unable to keep up with demand in the UK? I found it amazing to hear such panic in my mother’s voice when I told her that I’ll wander down there and get one just before Christmas (it’s only November for god’s sake). So much so, that I bought one early because I started to get tense about it myself (because it was her money I was spending and she would have been upset if I screwed up).

Anyway, we bought said Wii while the kids were at my father-in-law’s house during the school holiday’s (oh, what bliss). After bringing it home, we wanted to try it out (well who wouldn’t). It comes pre-packaged with a set of sports games (I’m not going to go into all the details of how you play them).

Needless to say me and my wife loved it, and what a couple of prats we must have looked, moving aside the furniture, essentially to play “air-tennis” on a console with child-like graphics that reminded me of my old ZX Spectrum days.

I was one of the first people to get a Spectrum (I never had a ZX 80 or 81). It was September 82 and my parents had to send back 3 of them (you could only get them by mail order) before we got one that worked. However, once I was up and running (or sitting down in this case), the games were simple and really addictive (try getting emulations of Hungry Horace, Manic Miner or Jumping Jack if you don’t believe me). You bought them on cassettes and downloaded them onto your Spectrum with a tape recorder. Bliss. Oh what fun we had staying inside on rare sunny days instead of playing outside.

Anyway, you felt like you were on the front of a wave when you were playing games with your Spectrum - you knew that everyone (well, geeky teenagers anyway) wanted one and the games would just get better and better (especially when you could get versions with 48K memory).

I should mention that I have never played on a Playstation or an Xbox, so my game console knowledge is pretty sketchy. However, playing on the Wii with its fun games and dodgy graphics made me feel like I was on the crest of a similar wave that would change the way people used their consoles and that things could only get better (cue dodgy song).

I can’t wait for Christmas to see what a “real” Wii game looks like…from a geeky 14-year old to a geeky 40-year old in the space of only 26 years!